By John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
What’s a cognitive distortion and why do so many people have them? Cognitive distortions are simply ways that our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts are usually used to reinforce negative thinking or emotions — telling ourselves things that sound rational and accurate, but really only serve to keep us feeling bad about ourselves.
For instance, a person might tell themselves, “I always fail when I try to do something new; I therefore fail at everything I try.” This is an example of “black or white” (or polarized) thinking. The person is only seeing things in absolutes — that if they fail at one thing, they must fail at all things. If they added, “I must be a complete loser and failure” to their thinking, that would also be an example of overgeneralization — taking a failure at one specific task and generalizing it their very self and identity.
Cognitive distortions are at the core of what many cognitive-behavioral and other kinds of therapists try and help a person learn to change in psychotherapy. By learning to correctly identify this kind of “stinkin’ thinkin’,” a person can then answer the negative thinking back, and refute it. By refuting the negative thinking over and over again, it will slowly diminish overtime and be automatically replaced by more rational, balanced thinking.
Cognitive Distortions
Aaron Beck first proposed the theory behind cognitive distortions and David Burns was responsible for popularizing it with common names and examples for the distortions.
1. Filtering.
We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.
2. Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking).
In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
3. Overgeneralization.
In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.
4. Jumping to Conclusions.
Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us.
For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.
5. Catastrophizing.
We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”).
For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).
With practice, you can learn to answer each of these cognitive distortions.
6. Personalization.
Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc.
A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”
7. Control Fallacies.
If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”
8. Fallacy of Fairness.
We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us, “Life is always fair,” and people who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it.
9. Blaming.
We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.
10. Shoulds.
We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything.
For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statements toward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.
11. Emotional Reasoning.
We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
12. Fallacy of Change.
We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.
13. Global Labeling.
We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves.
For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”
14. Always Being Right.
We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.
15. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy.
We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.
References:
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York: New American Library.
Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Paraprosdokians
I had to look up "paraprosdokian". Here is the definition: A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." Eg … "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23.. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Source: Internet
"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation." Eg … "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23.. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Source: Internet
Thursday, June 23, 2011
如果一个男人真的爱你......
如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会冷落你超过三天，因为想念你的日子很难度过
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会给你一个甜蜜的称呼，只属于他一个人喊的称呼 ，即使你有时不喜欢，但这也是爱你的一种！
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会把你当孩子般宠爱，但是自己又说不出宠你的原因
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会让你开心快乐，不会带给眼泪
如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机会24小时为你开机，随时随地让你能够找到他
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会觉得你是最好的，不会将你和其他女人做比较，即便你并不优秀！
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会抽出时间来陪你，即使自己真的很忙，因为他看不见你会很想你
如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会要求你减肥，因为他会把你的身体健康看作第一位
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会很想和你生活在一起，会把你看成是生命中最重要的
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会经常紧紧地抱着你，让你感受他的心跳
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会在你睡着的时候轻轻吻你，因为你是他的天使
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会给你买你喜欢的东西，并且很高兴陪你逛街
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会默默地为你付出一切，但很少让你知道他所做的牺牲
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会看你吃饭的时候傻笑，然后把好吃都留给你吃，那怕他只喝汤，心里也会很高兴
如果一个男人爱你，他会不厌其烦提醒你吃饭，穿衣服，听你烦了，他还是要提醒你，因为你生病就是对他最大的伤害
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会记住你说的每句话，哪怕是一句小玩笑，他也会放心里。然后努力改变自己的生活习惯
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会只对你一个人好，虽然他身边的朋友说他重色轻友，但是如果他朋友出事，他也会像担心你一样担心他们。所以不要说他不够义气
如果一人男人真的爱你，在你过马路的时候会紧张的拉着你的手，怕你横冲直撞出什么事，所以你不要甩开他的手
如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机里都是关于你的东西，想你的时候会对着手机傻笑，回忆美好的幸福！！
Source: Internet
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会给你一个甜蜜的称呼，只属于他一个人喊的称呼 ，即使你有时不喜欢，但这也是爱你的一种！
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会把你当孩子般宠爱，但是自己又说不出宠你的原因
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会让你开心快乐，不会带给眼泪
如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机会24小时为你开机，随时随地让你能够找到他
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会觉得你是最好的，不会将你和其他女人做比较，即便你并不优秀！
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会抽出时间来陪你，即使自己真的很忙，因为他看不见你会很想你
如果一个男人真的爱你，他不会要求你减肥，因为他会把你的身体健康看作第一位
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会很想和你生活在一起，会把你看成是生命中最重要的
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会经常紧紧地抱着你，让你感受他的心跳
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会在你睡着的时候轻轻吻你，因为你是他的天使
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会给你买你喜欢的东西，并且很高兴陪你逛街
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会默默地为你付出一切，但很少让你知道他所做的牺牲
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会看你吃饭的时候傻笑，然后把好吃都留给你吃，那怕他只喝汤，心里也会很高兴
如果一个男人爱你，他会不厌其烦提醒你吃饭，穿衣服，听你烦了，他还是要提醒你，因为你生病就是对他最大的伤害
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会记住你说的每句话，哪怕是一句小玩笑，他也会放心里。然后努力改变自己的生活习惯
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会只对你一个人好，虽然他身边的朋友说他重色轻友，但是如果他朋友出事，他也会像担心你一样担心他们。所以不要说他不够义气
如果一人男人真的爱你，在你过马路的时候会紧张的拉着你的手，怕你横冲直撞出什么事，所以你不要甩开他的手
如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机里都是关于你的东西，想你的时候会对着手机傻笑，回忆美好的幸福！！
Source: Internet
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Listen, learn ... then lead
Four-star general Stanley McChrystal shares what he learned about leadership over his decades in the military. How can you build a sense of shared purpose among people of many ages and skill sets? By listening and learning -- and addressing the possibility of failure.
"I don't wait for moods. You accomplish nothing if you do that. Your mind must know it has got to get down to work." Pearl S. Buck
"You are what your deep, driving desire is. As your deep, driving desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny." Upanishads
"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." James Gordon
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Bill Gates -11 things not learnt in schools
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your Self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault , so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: TV/Gaming is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. If you agree, pass it on. If you don't agree stick your head in the sand and take a deep breath!
If you can read this - Thank a teacher! If you can read this in English thank a soldier!!!
Source: Internet / Picture: University of Minnesota
"Every man's road in life is marked by the graves of his personal likings." Alexander Smith
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your Self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault , so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: TV/Gaming is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. If you agree, pass it on. If you don't agree stick your head in the sand and take a deep breath!
If you can read this - Thank a teacher! If you can read this in English thank a soldier!!!
Source: Internet / Picture: University of Minnesota
"Every man's road in life is marked by the graves of his personal likings." Alexander Smith
Saturday, January 1, 2011
没有做不到的事, 只有想不到的事
Studies tell us that only 3% of people in the USA set goals, and they are among the wealthiest people in the nation! Worldwide, the percentage is probably lower. Why is this percentage so low? There are several reasons, but the one that concerns the most is the lack of know-how. When we ask people why they don’t set goals they often say, “I don’t know how.”
Here are the setting steps (adapted) to help realise your goals.
Step 1. Dream! Let your imagination run wild while you fill up a blank sheet of paper with everything you want to be, do or have... By dreaming you instill hope for your future, and with hope there’s possibility. Your list should include about what you want to be, do or have.
Step 2. After you complete your list, wait 24 to 48 hours and read each item on your list and answer the question: Why? If you can’t verbalize in one sentence why you want to be, do or have this dream, then it’s not a dream and it won’ become a goal. Cross it off your list.
Step 3: Ask the following five questions of every dream on the dream List you created.
1. Is it really my goal?
2. Is it morally right and fair to everyone concerned?
3. Is it consistent with my other goals?
4. Can I emotionally commit myself to finish this goal?
5. Can I “see” myself reaching this goal? (Visionise)
You must answer “yes” to all five questions for each goal, or cross that goal off your dream list.
Here are some questions to ponder:
- Is it really my goal or is it a goal someone else wants me to pursue?
- Is it the right thing to do?
- Will achieving this goal distract from achieving other goals?
- Are you sure you can make the commitment to pursue this goal and see it through?
- If you can’t “see” yourself reaching this goal, you probably won’t.
Step 4: Ask the following seven questions of every dream that remains on your dream List (or goals list).
Will reaching this goal . . .
1. make me happier?
2. make me healthier?
3. make me more prosperous?
4. win me more friends?
5. give me peace of mind?
6. make me more secure?
7. improve my relationships with others?
If you can’t answer “Yes” to at least one of these questions for each goal, eliminate that goal from your list. Be sure to consider your family when you answer these questions. And do not confuse pleasure with happiness!
Step 5: After asking the questions posted in Step 4 you will have eliminated some of your "goals". Maybe these are not really goals, just thoughts or desires at this point, so you’re better off without them.
Step 6: Separate your remaining list of goals into one of three categories:
1. Short-term (one month or less to achieve this goal)
2. Mid-term (one month to one year to achieve this goal)
3. Long-term (one year or more to achieve this goal).
This step will help you quickly determine whether or not you have a balanced perspective between what needs to be done now, versus your dreams for the future.
Remember:
- Goals must be BIG to make you stretch and grow to your full potential.
- Goals must be long-range to keep you on track.
- Goals must also be small, thus you can work on daily to keep you disciplined.
- Goals must be on going to reduce the possibility of short-range frustrations.
- Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Related to their job, and Time-specific.
Step 7: After specifically identifying your goals, write them down! It is important that you have a written list of your specific goals. Then you will begin to do the daily, weekly action steps that will take you closer to achieving that goal. Be selective. You may not be able to work on all of your goals at one time! Don't over do it. If you only have time to complete one or two goals for the remainder of this year, don’t apologize. Do a little bit more than you think you can, but do not overextend your time to the point that you don’t complete any of your goals. Do not get frustrated by the process! Work the system and it will work for you... Trust the system.
Once you have identified your goals and plotted the activities that you intend to do to fulfill your goals, pat yourself on the back! You have just spent more time planning your future than most of your friends, relatives or associates will ever invest! Good for you.
Adapted from an article by Ziglar
"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret." Jackie Joyner-Kersee Multiple Olympic Gold Medal Champion
Here are the setting steps (adapted) to help realise your goals.
Step 1. Dream! Let your imagination run wild while you fill up a blank sheet of paper with everything you want to be, do or have... By dreaming you instill hope for your future, and with hope there’s possibility. Your list should include about what you want to be, do or have.
Step 2. After you complete your list, wait 24 to 48 hours and read each item on your list and answer the question: Why? If you can’t verbalize in one sentence why you want to be, do or have this dream, then it’s not a dream and it won’ become a goal. Cross it off your list.
Step 3: Ask the following five questions of every dream on the dream List you created.
1. Is it really my goal?
2. Is it morally right and fair to everyone concerned?
3. Is it consistent with my other goals?
4. Can I emotionally commit myself to finish this goal?
5. Can I “see” myself reaching this goal? (Visionise)
You must answer “yes” to all five questions for each goal, or cross that goal off your dream list.
Here are some questions to ponder:
- Is it really my goal or is it a goal someone else wants me to pursue?
- Is it the right thing to do?
- Will achieving this goal distract from achieving other goals?
- Are you sure you can make the commitment to pursue this goal and see it through?
- If you can’t “see” yourself reaching this goal, you probably won’t.
Step 4: Ask the following seven questions of every dream that remains on your dream List (or goals list).
Will reaching this goal . . .
1. make me happier?
2. make me healthier?
3. make me more prosperous?
4. win me more friends?
5. give me peace of mind?
6. make me more secure?
7. improve my relationships with others?
If you can’t answer “Yes” to at least one of these questions for each goal, eliminate that goal from your list. Be sure to consider your family when you answer these questions. And do not confuse pleasure with happiness!
Step 5: After asking the questions posted in Step 4 you will have eliminated some of your "goals". Maybe these are not really goals, just thoughts or desires at this point, so you’re better off without them.
Step 6: Separate your remaining list of goals into one of three categories:
1. Short-term (one month or less to achieve this goal)
2. Mid-term (one month to one year to achieve this goal)
3. Long-term (one year or more to achieve this goal).
This step will help you quickly determine whether or not you have a balanced perspective between what needs to be done now, versus your dreams for the future.
Remember:
- Goals must be BIG to make you stretch and grow to your full potential.
- Goals must be long-range to keep you on track.
- Goals must also be small, thus you can work on daily to keep you disciplined.
- Goals must be on going to reduce the possibility of short-range frustrations.
- Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Related to their job, and Time-specific.
Step 7: After specifically identifying your goals, write them down! It is important that you have a written list of your specific goals. Then you will begin to do the daily, weekly action steps that will take you closer to achieving that goal. Be selective. You may not be able to work on all of your goals at one time! Don't over do it. If you only have time to complete one or two goals for the remainder of this year, don’t apologize. Do a little bit more than you think you can, but do not overextend your time to the point that you don’t complete any of your goals. Do not get frustrated by the process! Work the system and it will work for you... Trust the system.
Once you have identified your goals and plotted the activities that you intend to do to fulfill your goals, pat yourself on the back! You have just spent more time planning your future than most of your friends, relatives or associates will ever invest! Good for you.
Adapted from an article by Ziglar
"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret." Jackie Joyner-Kersee Multiple Olympic Gold Medal Champion
Monday, December 27, 2010
Choco Pham's First Presentation
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
Thomas Edison
1847-1931, Inventor and Entrepreneur
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Model Woman
Mrs. Kwa Geok Choo - the woman behind MM Lee
While Mrs Lee Kuan Yew was an intensely private person, much could be gleaned from the snippets of observation made of her by the media, heads of state and other political figures, as well as members of the public and even the remarks that she made to her husband as she accompanied him during his travels and public functions during their 63 years of marriage.
Here is a compilation of quotes that gives us more insight into her character:-
Mr Lee Kuan Yew, on how he was a "kept man" during Parliament in 1985:
"Over the years, I've been a kept man. My wife keeps the family."
Mr Lee on her character:
"She's a very caring person, very staid, very caring; she's not frivolous and does not like to socialise, which saves a lot of time".
When asked if she (Mrs Lee) ever had disagreements with Mr Lee in email interviews, she replied:
" Would you believe me if I say we never disagree or quarrel? Fortunately, these are over little matters. Kuan Yew leaves household decisions to me. Family matters have not been a problem."
Then United States President Richard Nixon's compliment to her devotion and loyalty to her husband in 1973:
President Nixon: "Mrs Lee, tell me, is it true that you were No. 1 in the class at Cambridge Law School and your husband was No. 2?
Mrs Lee: "Mr President, do you think he would have married me if that were the case?"
Mrs Lee, on a visit to Kuala Lumpur in 1976:
"I walk two steps behind my husband like a good Asian wife."
Manila Times, observed in 1971 that Mrs Lee was "almost like an invisible entity, unlike other first ladies.
Ms Deborah Barker, daughter of former law minister Eddie Barker on Mrs Lee:
"My father felt that she had very good judgement, and he would go to her for advice on important personal matters".
Wife of former Old Guard minister Jek Yeun Thong:
"To me, Mrs Lee was a humble and courteous person, straightforward with no airs or pretences".
Mrs Elisa Chew, tailor on Mrs Lee:
"She would always greet me when she came into the store, and was even willing to take a photograph with me".
Mr Lee in his memoirs, recounted his wife as the disciplinarian of the house:
"She brought them up well-mannered and self-disciplined".
Mr Chng Jit Koon, 76, former senior minister of state (community development):
"MM Lee is a person who wants everything to be perfect. If there is something not right, he will be angry, especially during his younger days. Of course, those who got scolding would feel very bad, but Mrs Lee would quietly go to the side and tell them, 'Never mind; he is like that' don't take it to heart'."
MM Lee bent over his wife's casket to bid her goodbye. He stretched his hand to touch her, put his fingers to his lips and placed a kiss on her forehead, twice.
"Any marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they’re on the same side." Zig Ziglar
Why Successful Women Fail With Men
Source: Diva
Friday, September 10, 2010
Liang Zhi Hu Die
Develop Great Relationships Over A Lifetime
"The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are." Stephen R. Covey
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
真爱是不放弃
"因为想到你比我更脆弱，我就要比你更坚强。因为想到你已经受了苦，却因为有了我的扶持而感到安慰，所以我就要好好活着，让你有所依靠。"吴佩琪
Photo: Rosemarie
"Because when I think of you being more fragile than I am, I've to be stronger for you. And when I think of your sufferings, I've the consolation you have felt comforted by enabling care. I cherish my life, so you'll have me to rely on."
When one is pessimistic one tends to view, say or do things in negative ways... if only communications is everything but...
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." Mary Pickford
"Keeping love alive should be like the way you live your life." Vanessa Paradis
"I realized early on that success was tied to not giving up. Most people in this business gave up and went on to other things. If you simply didn't give up, you would outlast the people who came in on the bus with you." Harrison Ford
Photo: Rosemarie
"Because when I think of you being more fragile than I am, I've to be stronger for you. And when I think of your sufferings, I've the consolation you have felt comforted by enabling care. I cherish my life, so you'll have me to rely on."
When one is pessimistic one tends to view, say or do things in negative ways... if only communications is everything but...
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." Mary Pickford
"Keeping love alive should be like the way you live your life." Vanessa Paradis
"I realized early on that success was tied to not giving up. Most people in this business gave up and went on to other things. If you simply didn't give up, you would outlast the people who came in on the bus with you." Harrison Ford
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Thinker; Doer; Teacher
Dr. Goh Keng Swee"He who has ambition will do his best in order to satisfy himself. He will stick to his work and see that he is the best man that ever has done their work."
"I don't mind a guy making mistakes but I can't stand idiots and when people refuse to learn."
"Because I think my effectiveness depends on whether I can make a contribution in terms of analysing a problem and telling them that these are the priorities or that is the way of doing it, or whatever. If they accept it, and they find me useful, okay, I carry on. If after some time they say, ‘Look, what you are saying is absolute rubbish,’ then you just hang up your gloves and call it a day."
"...the most important thing is, we are able to meet the deadline. Our deadline in the sense that we are able to provide power, adequate power...."
"So long as they felt that you had done your best, they were content even if you failed to help them at times."
His practical sense: Understanding problem meant identifying the specifics of the dynamics generating it.
"To me, spontaneously is a sign of respect. But if people show indiffernece or leave their personal assistants to handle things, then I know they are insincere."
"If you do things out of love, it is a pleasure and not a chore." Mre. Goh-Dr. Phua Swee Liang.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
100 best-paying jobs in Singapore
1. Specialised surgeon – $30,755
2. Managing director – $24,472
3. General surgeon – $17,872
4. Commodities futures broker – $17,464
5. General manager – $16,667
6. Company director – $15,513
7. Creative director (Advertising) – $13,000
8. Legal service manager – $12,318
9. Foreign exchange dealer and broker – $11,095
10. Operations manager (Finance) – $9,808
11. Legal officer – $9,790
12. Risk management manager – $9,600
13. Research and development manager – $9,385
14. Computer operations and network manager – $9,300
15. Training manager – $9,000
16. Computer and information systems manager – $8,930
17. Ship-master – $8,671
18. Technical manager – $8,595
19. Financial futures dealer and broker – $8,447
20. Personnel / Human resource manager – $8,420
21. Business development manager – $8,290
22. Corporate planning manager – $8,290
23. Fund manager – $8,125
24. Treasury manager – $8,079
25. Budgeting and financial accounting manager – $8,000
26. Marketing manager – $8,000
27. Power generation and distribution engineer – $7,848
28. Engineering manager – $7,819
29. Chemical engineer (Petroleum) – $7,678
30. Manufacturing plant and production manager – $7,645
31. Chemical engineer (Petrochemicals) – $7,547
32. Advertising and public relations manager – $7,533
33. Advocate and solicitor – $7,500
34. Operations research analyst – $7,500
35. Business management consultant – $7,437
36. Procurement manager – $7,416
37. Lawyer (except advocate and solicitor) – $7,400
38. Quality assurance manager – $7,263
39. Customer service manager – $7,142
40. Sales manager – $7,100
41. Logistics manager – $7,050
42. Operations manager (Commerce) – $6,862
43. Chemical engineering technician (Petroleum) – $6,696
44. Automation engineer – $6,680
45. Instrumentation engineer – $6,616
46. Book editor – $6,538
47. Surveyor – $6,523
48. Industrial health, safety and environment engineer – $6,503
49. Building architect – $6,500
50. Transport operations manager – $6,400
51. Editor (Newspapers and periodicals) – $6,369
52. Marine superintendent engineer – $6,340
53. Audio and video equipment engineer – $6,307
54. Premises maintenance manager – $6,304
55. Personal banker – $6,250
56. Chemist – $6,241
57. Electrical engineering technician (High voltage) – $6,225
58. Business analyst – $6,205
59. General physician – $6,173
60. Administration manager – $6,150
61. Financial analyst – $6,000
62. Securities dealer and broker – $5,750
63. Shipping manager – $5,721
64. Building and construction project manager – $5,720
65. Property / Estate manager – $5,715
66. Physicist – $5,700
67. Editor (Radio, television and video) – $5,658
68. Information technology security specialist – $5,646
69. Advertising copywriter – $5,600
70. Director (Stage, film, television and radio) – $5,512
71. Automotive engineer – $5,500
72. Naval architect – $5,480
73. Chemical engineering technician (Petrochemicals) – $5,424
74. Chinese physician – $5,316
75. Financial planner – $5,283
76. Aeronautical engineer – $5,242
77. Chemical engineer (General) – $5,187
78. Broadcasting operations technician – $5,178
79. Market research analyst – $5,174
80. Producer / Director of commercials – $5,150
81. Manufacturing engineer – $5,137
82. Systems programmer – $5,111
83. Actuary – $5,100
84. Production engineer – $5,091
85. Sales representative (Technicial) – $5,089
86. Database administrator – $5,080
87. Semi-conductor engineer – $5,035
88. Mechanical engineer – $5,000
89. Ship rigger – $4,933
90. Systems designer and analyst – $4,914
91. Network systems and data communication analyst – $4,894
92. Sales representative (Medical and pharmaceutical products) – $4,857
93. Flight operations officer – $4,801
94. Civil engineer – $4,746
95. Script writer – $4,740
96. Warehousing manager – $4,706
97. Materials engineer – $4,689
98. Electrical engineer – $4,665
99. Credit analyst – $4,631
100. Electronics engineer – $4,615
MOM Release Date: 30 Jun 2008
“Analyzing what you haven't got as well as what you have is a necessary ingredient of a career.” Orison Swett Marden
Saturday, February 27, 2010
學習英語
How to Learn English Well?
Please let me begin with "How Not to Learn English Well?", then we may all see more clearly why English has not been learned that well, at least for most of the English language learners.
We all know that English is not Chinese. Do we all know that? I believe we do. So, English cannot, for one thing, be learned in the same way as Chinese has been learned. Secondly, English should not be turned into Chinese, but into English, and English only. Only when we can turn hard English into easy English can we say we have learned English, at least some English. If we can turn English into Chinese, hard or easy, we are only reviewing Chinese.
Let us look at how our English has been learned since 1949, or perhaps, since 1900.
1. Grammar: When we talk about English grammar, we use Chinese, do we? A good example is the article in English grammar. Do we have any articles in Chinese? Yes, but not in Chinese grammar. Why do we use a Chinese word for the article in talking about English grammar? Isn't that a waste of time and a waste of English? I think so. If we want to learn English grammar, we need to use English words to learn English grammar, to talk about English grammar, so that at the same time, we are able to learn, at least, some English.
2. Vocabulary: How have we been learning English words? We turn all of them into Chinese, right? Is that called learning English? I don't think so. That is called "reviewing Chinese". We are using English to review our Chinese, in fact. When we learn an English word, we should be able to remember that English word, should be able to translated English into English, not Chinese, not even remember its Chinese equivalent. You know why? Translation is very difficult and can wait until we have learned English so well that we are able to think, speak, write, hear, read, and dream English like a native English speaker. Here is my question for all of you to ponder. All of you can translate any English you have learned so far into Chinese. Can you also translate all the Chinese you are able to use into English? The answer is, you cannot, and I cannot, either. Then, my conclusion is, we are not learning English, but reviewing Chinese by turning anything English into Chinese. When we speak English, we are not speaking English but "speaking Chinese with English words and some grammatical English sentences". And a grammatical English sentence does not mean it is really English. Am I not right?
3. Practice: We need to learn and use English. We all know that. But, how do we use English? If we think in Chinese and speak English, can we speak good English? I think not. English people think in English all the time and sometimes, also, make mistakes. If we think in Chinese, we even make mistakes in Chinese. How can we not make mistakes in English? If we want to use English, we have to think in English. That means when we read English, we do not translate into Chinese any more, but we remember the English, and translate English into simpler English we already know. That means when we hear English, we never turn it into Chinese in our Chinese brains, but remember the English, and only turn it into the little English we know. When we speak and write English, we, first of all, think in English, and think in English whatsoever we want to say or write about. That is what I call practice.
If we think in English, we will speak and write English. If we think in correct English, we will speak and write correct English. If we think in Chinese, we will speak and write Chinese, only after we have learned how to write Chinese characters. Can you all see what I am driving at? If we want to learn English well, English should come from mind to mouth, from man to manuscript.
We all learned something about physics and biology. We all know that thinking takes time. Can any of you think twice as fast as a native English speaker so that when he or she speaks English to you, you can translate into Chinese to understand, then think in Chinese what you want to say, then translate Chinese into English, and then say it? Do you think your listener has the time to wait for you?
In a nutshell, if we all want to learn English well, we have to use English, instead of Chinese, to learn English well, and never turn English into anything else that is not English. That is the only way to learn English well in a place where Chinese is the dominant language.
by Sinosophy (Adapted)
新加坡3类院校入学申请条件：
1.政府大学：高考分数1本录取分数线以上（如：清华，北大，复旦类大学录取分数线左右），雅思6分以上。
2.政府理工学院：高考500分左右，雅思5.5
3.私立学院：至少完成初中学业（如果非高中毕业学生则需读预科），雅思6分（如果没有雅思6分或不到6分，则需先读学校英文课程）
到新加坡怎么读O LEVEL
新加坡日常生活中的常用英文 Every Day English
"A man has no future if he does not read books, nor does a nation." Chinese Premier Wen Jia Bao
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
KEYS FOR LIVING
1. The best way to get even is to forget...
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death...
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tightly...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be
maintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God isn't such a good idea!
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it's being the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers, with claw marks all over them.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.
And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and He gave humans CHOCOLATE.
"You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven."
Author Unknown
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death...
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tightly...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be
maintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God isn't such a good idea!
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it's being the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers, with claw marks all over them.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.
And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and He gave humans CHOCOLATE.
"You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven."
Author Unknown
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Nature of Luv
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”
“When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.”
“When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you.”
Monday, December 28, 2009
China's Ivy League Universities
University: China's top varsity and its first national university. Established in 1898, it is noted for producing luminaries such as the writer Lu Xun. It was also at the forefront of student movements, such as the May Fourth Movement and the 1989 Tiananmen protests.
Qinghua University: Alma mater of Chinese President Hu Jintao and Vice-President Xi Jinping. The Beijing-based school is known for its business and engineering studies.
Fudan University: Widely viewed as China's top southern university, the Shanghai-based institution is highly regarded for physical sciences, social sciences and medicine.
Zhejiang University: Seen by Chinese students as the country's No. 4 university, after Beijing, Qinghua and Fudan. The Hangzhou-based college is rated highly in natural sciences and engineering.
Nanjing University: Established in AD258 under the Kingdom of Wu, it is one of the oldest universities in China. It is regarded as a pioneer in many fields, including literature, philosophy and history.
Shanghai Jiaotong University: Known for its engineering strength, the university counts former Chinese president Jiang Zemin and computer giant Lenovo founder Liu Chuanzhi among its alumni.
Harbin Institute of Technology: Famous for its military and space-related research. A key player in China's Shenzhou space project.
Xi'an Jiaotong University: The top university in China's western region. It is well regarded for its science and medicine programmes.
University of Science and Technology of China: The college in northern Anhui province is renowned for its science research. It is well-known, too, for its vice-president, physicist Fang Lizhi, whose liberal ideas inspired pro-democracy student protests in 1986 and 1989.
Source: TST
"疏食飲水，曲肱而枕，樂在其中矣。不義而富貴，于我如浮雲。" - Confucian
"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." George Washington Carver
Monday, December 7, 2009
Aim higher; Reach further
"Our work is the presentation of our capabilities." Edward Gibbon
"Languages make possible both the living of a common history, and also the telling of it." Nicholas Ostler
"There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no insurmountable barrier except our own inherent weakness of purpose." Elbert Hubbard 1856-1915, Writer and Publisher
"The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it." Pearl S. Buck
"When you develop your ability to balance your emotions, unexpected problems won't knock you off balance as easily, and you'll return more quickly to a positive outlook." Peggy McColl
Photos by: Jason Yeo ST
"The leading edge in evidence presentation is in science; the leading edge in beauty is in high art." Edward Tufte
"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much." Jim Rohn 1930-2009, Author and Speaker
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